


An American Cheese in Paris

by sagiow



Category: Mercy Street (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheese, Gen, Humor, Snacks & Snack Food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagiow/pseuds/sagiow
Summary: Despite being in the Culinary Capital of the world, Jed craved a taste of home.





	An American Cheese in Paris

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tvsn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvsn/gifts).
  * Inspired by [An Ode to American Snack Food](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158254) by [dancingontheedge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingontheedge/pseuds/dancingontheedge). 
  * Inspired by [The last taste of sweets, is sweetest last](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154009) by [middlemarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/middlemarch/pseuds/middlemarch). 



> Contains lactose and other milk-related substances.  
> See end notes for French translations.

Upon leaving for his semester abroad as an exchange student at La Sorbonne in Paris, Jedediah Foster’s family had made the standard recommendations: to be safe, study hard and enjoy the experience. Perhaps out of jealousy, Ezra had only smirked and said: “Enjoy the snails, frog legs and stinky cheese.”

Jed hadn’t thought much of it at the time: he knew _cuisses de grenouilles_ and _escargots_ were not every day fare, and much less on a student budget, and as for cheese, well, he hadn’t yet met a cheese he didn’t like. To his relief, his first trip to a large chain grocery store yielded many of his studying-enhancing, comfort food staples: peanut butter and jelly, a nice variety of odd-flavored chips (Bolognese sauce? Roast beef and roasted chicken?), and more delicious cookies he could eat in a lifetime. He enjoyed his coffee black, so the lack of Coffee Mate did not bother him. The ratio of bread-to-toppings of European sandwiches in the bistro and _boulangeries_ constantly disappointing him (“What? Only one measly slice of ham and Brie in this whole baguette?”), he made his own, stacking meats, cheese, tomatoes and pickles on mayo and mustard-smothered bread like an all-in-one smorgasbord, to Lisette’s amazement and slight nausea.

As the semester advanced into late fall and the daylight all but disappeared, Jed found himself craving his favorite comfort food easy meal: tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich made with the hallmark of American Dairy, Kraft Singles. Canned soup he found readily (although seasoned with Herbes de Provence, which he found a nice addition), but alas, the plastic-wrapped, thin orange cheese by-product eluded him.

He must have mentioned it to someone back home, for when he got back to his room one day with Lisette, a package was waiting for him. Opening it, he could not help but laugh out gleefully at the contents. At Lisette’s quizzical expression, he took out two containers: a large jar of Cheez Whiz, and a can of Easy Cheese – American flavor.  

“ _Mon Dieu, mais c’est quoi, ça_?!” she cried out.

" That, my dear, is American snack cheese. I guess they couldn’t send Singles as they have to be refrigerated, but these babies travel well,” he beamed.

“ _Quoi?!_ These things are cheese, and you keep them on the shelf? _Et oserais-je demander_ what Singles are?”

“Yes, well, I think you might have to chill Cheez Whiz after it’s opened, but I once had some in the pantry for weeks, and it was perfectly fine. As for Singles, they’re similar, but stiffer, and individually wrapped, and they’re just the best in sandwiches, hot dogs, burgers, raisin toast… or just straight up, really.”

The look of alarm on Lisette’s face grew into downright disgust. “ _Mais_ … why are they orange?”

Jed thought about it. “Huh, because they’re Cheddar, and Cheddar’s always orange?”

Lisette narrowed her eyes. “ _Euh, non_. Cheddar here is white, _et je t’assure_ , _ces trucs_ … are not Cheddar. They might have been, _il était une fois_ , but don’t you dare insult delicious Cheddar by comparing it to these… _horreurs_.”

“Liz, you should try it ‘fore you diss it.” He rummaged in the carton once more and took out a box of Ritz original crackers. “Ah, perfect! I’ll go buy celery tomorrow for the Cheez Whiz, it’s what my mom gave us as a healthy snack back in the 80s.”

He shook the can of Easy Cheese, removed the cap, sprayed a generous amount of yellow foam on top of a cracker, and handed it to her. Dubious, Lisette stared at it, smelled it, then shook her head vehemently.

“ _Non, oublie ça. Je ne mange pas ça.  Du fromage en aérosol, mais c’est franchement n’importe quoi…_  »

Jed shrugged and munched merrily on the salty fluffy substance. “Suit yourself. More for me. With this, I’m gonna ace that cardiology exam.”

“It might turn into a practical exam if you keep eating _de telles cochonneries_ ,” she added with a side glance.

“ _Mais non_ , I’ll have a glass of heart-friendly red wine along with it, it’ll cancel everything out.”

“Eurrk… _t’es vraiment dégueulasse.”_  

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by tvsn's tumblr prompt for cinnamon-coated, pop-tarty American snack food: I only followed the later part and instead paid hommage to one of the most baffling American culinary creation: cheese-in-a-can. You seriously can't make this stuff up. Somehow, this particular product hasn't crossed the border, and that's okay: you keep your spray cheese, we'll keep the all-dressed chips, Smarties, maple-everythings and super dangerous Kinder Surprise eggs. 
> 
> I had tons of fun (not to mention FINALLY posting a vignette under 1000 words!) writing about the Holy Trinity of Orange Cheese Byproducts (maybe should've included Velveeta too?). Definitely less appetizing than middlemarch's and dancingontheedge's efforts on the subject :)
> 
> For non-French speakers, here goes!  
> \- Mon Dieu, mais c’est quoi, ça? - My God, what is this?  
> \- Et oserais-je demander - And dare I ask  
> \- et je t’assure, ces trucs… - And I assure you, these things  
> \- il était une fois - Once upon a time  
> \- Non, oublie ça. Je ne mange pas ça. Du fromage en aérosol, mais c’est franchement n’importe quoi… - No, forget it. I'm not eating this. Cheese in a spray can, that's downright ridiculous.  
> \- de telles cochonneries - such junk (literal: such pig-related stuff :)  
> \- t’es vraiment dégueulasse - You're really disgusting


End file.
